My Love For Gino

For the many people who don’t know, my sister’s fiance, Gino, passed away from cancer this past Memorial Day. It was a two year battle that we pretty much knew he wasn’t going to win. At his luncheon, after the final viewing, I read something aloud to everyone. All his friends sat at one table, his father and that side of the family at another, his mother and family at another, my family with Katie at another, and many extended members of my family filling up others. I’ve grown to know him over the past decade, having to put up with him through puberty and the many fighting that him and Katie went through. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can look back at what I wrote without totally breaking into tears, but being able to slightly smile, reminiscing on all the memories. Yes, it still being a tear to my eyes, but I know Gino’s in a better place, resting in Heaven, watching all of us. Here is what I wrote:

Katie and Gino have had a relationship filled with love, respect, and admiration. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to dedicate his life to caring for one of my younger sisters like Gino. Despite being terminally ill he never gave up the fight, and never gave up showing his love for her. Even that was obvious to me all the way down in Florida. The comments that were always on Katie’s facebook from Gino were the sweetest, and it sometimes lead to me having to cry.
I will always consider Gino a brother, not just Katie’s fiancé. He continue to touch my heart through the almost decade I’ve known him. I remember the Easter he came to see me the time I was in the hospital, taking time out of the holiday when most others didn’t. When my father was sick with cancer Gino did everything in his power to not only support Katie when she was upset, but support the family as well. And then, when Abby was born, he truly took on the role of an older brother and not just of a friend of the family, changing Abby’s dirty diapers way before Katie ever developed the courage to try. It was even him and Aunt Shawna who invented the “duct tape diaper” when on a trip to the park Gino was too lazy to go and walk the seven blocks home for another diaper. Poor Abby. But I know deep in my heart it was all out of love.
Not only did he play the brotherly role to Abby, but he also definitely played the older brother to Nora in that he had to approve all her boyfriends. Anytime he disapproved what she was doing, he let it be known. Thank God for Gino when I couldn’t be around. Oh, and Gino, by the way…Nora says she’ll never forgive you for throwing up on her feet on Prom night.
Even though Gino’s body will be sitting in Katie’s living room, spending his time with Penny the clown when Katie’s at work, his spirit will always remain in our hearts. I cannot imagine going on without him, but I know he would never want any of us to give up. God took his soul to Heaven where he will rest for eternity until it is our time to join him. Gino will continually look down on us as our guardian angel, protecting us from harm. Don’t worry, because I’m sure while he’s looking down on his loving and caring companion Charlie, he’ll watch out for your pets as well! Charlie was his friend in time of need and it truly showed how much of a “dad” Gino was to that dog!
It’s not fair what Gino went through and the pain he had to endure. None of us will ever understand why, but throughout it all it was obvious he did it with bravery, strength, and hope. I will forever respect Gino in how he fought, always smiling, and never showing weakness. Rest in peace forever, Gino. And hey, do us a favor and remove the gum under our shoes.

Add a comment September 4, 2011

Losing Footing?

Well, starting on the subject of footing, I finally got my leg braces completed. They are still hurting me on the outside of my right foot, and they caused a bruise on the inside of the top of my right foot, but I’m going to give them a little more time before I give up on them. I think it’s because my foot is still adjusting to the newest adjustments. I can feel that they are doing their job now when I wear them though, so I’m feeling very positive about that. Before I felt like my feet were falling out of them, but now that I have a new strap on them I’m feeling more secure in them, stable, and able to walk without as much pain.

I’m feeling very overwhelmed in school now and I’m not liking it. This is the first time I’ve used interpreters in school. I love the fact that I’m fully understanding what’s going on in my classes, but I feel so weird at the same time. I’m the kid that everyone knows who has a problem because I have these two people that follow me from class to class. (I have to admit, though. I got probably the two COOLEST interpreters I could have ever asked for. When the guy first walked into the classroom I wanted to ask for his autograph, not knowing he was actually my interpreter. And then, low and behold, his wife walked in the room after him. I was shocked!!! I’m so lucky to have them working with me. It’s been a great experience so far.) I have two notetakers for me, just in case I miss anything that’s being said in class while watching my interpreters. That’s been a HUGE help, and I know it will be even further down the line when I have my first tests.

My first speech is on Tuesday and I’m getting increasingly nervous. I’m great at public speaking. I don’t really remember ever having a problem with it. I have a memory going all the way back to 4th or 5th grade and having the speeches in front of the entire school for student government in which I was going for vice president. I won, by a huge majority. I spoke again in front of the entire school not long after, dedicating a chair and a teddy bear to the library in memory of another student’s mother who died of cancer that volunteered in the library for years. (The chair and teddy bear are still there, over 15 years later!) I’ve been speaking in front of audiences since I was quite young. This is the first COLLEGE speech I’m giving, so maybe that’s why I’m nervous. Also, I believe that no one in the class really knows that I can speak since I use my interpreters all the time, so I think a lot of students will be in for a surprise.

Government class is a class I dread. First of all, I’ve always hated any sort of social studies class. So right off the bat I was in trouble. Second of all, the chapters are so long and sometimes I only have one day to really complete all the homework. With each chapter you read you also have a quiz or a journal entry to write. While doing all that I’m having to write a critical thinking paper on euthanasia. You have to choose to be for or against and have three main reasons with valid points/data to back up those reasons. Again, I’m great at writing papers and have never had an issue with research. I’m just afraid that I’ll put emotional reasoning in there and get my grade docked. Besides psychology, which is a subject I absolutely love, this is my first college research paper I’ve ever had to do.

Anxiety I think is just what is making me really think I’m losing footing. After I get these first set of “firsts” out of the way, I’m hoping the school year will get easier and I won’t feel so much like I’m in quick sand.

Also very anxiety provoking is the final test I have to do in order to pass out of some of my sign language courses. I have to pay $100 and then see a professor who will do the final evaluation on whether or not I can skip the coursework. I got a couple wrong on my first evaluation with the first professor, so I’m hoping I can study up on the couple I got wrong so I can score high enough on this last test.

I’m assuming these are all normal fears and anxieties of students, no matter what their age. I was figuring I wouldn’t have to deal with these since this is my second time around at attempting college. I guess being so out of it between my actual bipolar, eating disorder, self-injury, and overmedicated self I couldn’t have achieved in college the first time no matter how much I tried. I’m glad things are different this time around, but I’m not liking the anxiety much!

I’m discovering I’m not turning to God and asking for His help as much as I wish I was. I know He can help me through all of these anxieties. I know He can make this schooling possible, and can make me very successful in it. I just have to turn my insecurities to Him. I’ll need to post these verses in my notebooks and binders that I had a friend make for me for the reminder. The verses turned out so beautiful I didn’t want to put them in anything because I don’t want to mess them up! That wasn’t the point of having her make them though, now was it?!?

I also have to be praying a lot more because within the last week I have had two men approach me while walking home. They both have tried to “flirt” with me, but neither time was it in an appropriate manner. It was more demeaning than anything. The second time it happened the guy actually stood in front of me and prevented me from being able to continue walking. I had to go out of my way to get around him and continue home. I know from now on to have my phone out and not be afraid to call the police if I need to. As my friend told me, I may be overusing the police, but if it means keeping myself safe, then I have to do so. Around this area that I’m living in I’d have to say that the white population is highly in the minority. Depending which direction you go from the house there is either a major black population or Hispanic population. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against either of them at all! But, when it comes to guys like this, especially the second guy who was in his 50s and stands in my way to prevent me from going somewhere, it’s a bit scary.

I put on the armor of God and it will forever protect me.

Add a comment September 4, 2011