Questioning God vs. Depression

September 26, 2011 followingjesus4life

I’ve noticed lately that a lot of questions concerning God have been going through my mind lately.  I’m not sure how people are taking to this questioning.  Am I doubting God, or is it just obvious I’m slightly, or more than slightly, depressed?

I’m not the C or D student.  I’ve always been an A or B student.  So, why all of a sudden am I getting a 76% and 64% on my tests?  Yes, I know they are just tests and not my overall grade, but why would God allow this to happen?  I mean, I prayed constantly before taking this government test, asking over and over that He give me the wisdom and patience I need for this test.  When I get it back and discover it’s nowhere close to the score I wanted, maybe I do somewhat doubt God…a little.  But, maybe it’s also a depression coming over me caused by the fact that I scored so low on a test and that very rarely occurs.

The continual thoughts and “feelings” of being fat are bothering me.  I know that it’s part of my depression now.  It’s not an eating disorder.  I’m not going back to behaviors.  It’s my mind’s way of coping with the fact that I’m slightly upset (a.k.a. depressed).  If I have those feelings or thoughts, my mind tells me not to eat…and that’s how my mind wants me to cope.  I know otherwise.  Does it mean I eat every bit of every meal?  No.  But I don’t do that all the time anyway because to me “normalized eating” is eating what you want until you are full, not stuffing yourself until you puke.

Now I question myself why don’t I just go to my Bible and read God’s word?  Am I really doubting Him that much?

I have always been told He will not give us more than we can handle.  So why is He giving me so much physical pain?  I’m not sure how much longer I can handle it.  I will only take so much Advil in a day, and I refuse to take the Tylenol with codeine.  I was practically comatose for 20 hours the last time I took it!  Why the pain?

And why the hearing aids that are so uncomfortable I can’t wear them?

And why the constant tiredness and fatigue?

Why?

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